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(This is the ninth of 12 entries in a photo/story series we shared over on Facebook & Instagram. We wanted to share it here on our site for those of you who are flying under the social media radar or who are just plain itching to see it again.)

Artistically speaking, this is one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written (to give you an idea I’ve probably written over 75, so that’s a pretty decent compliment, lol). A daily, unattended funeral, a noose & becoming my own blood clot are just some ways I wanted to communicate what death to myself consists of. Death to self, or picking up our cross, is sadly a very unexcavated landscape within music, at least from what I’ve heard. To me this song has created an opportunity to feel like I’ve been able to really dive into something original.

It came from a place of feeling like living my life was a constant suicide, though the suicide was & is the only viable way to live. It preceded a season of facing my demons like never before alongside being legitimately suicidal. This song really pulled me through that time in a lot of ways.

The recorded version is very intentionally stripped down to just my voice & acoustic & electric guitars to embody the isolation one feels when dying to self. It is a lonely & mostly internal battle. & though most will never know what this death is like, those who do are not without hope…for life via resurrection is abundantly awaiting on the other side.


📷: Joylily Photography (

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