I know where you are.
I’ve been there. Or rather, I am here.
The place where suicide seems it could be an answer.
Once you’ve come to this point–the end of yourself–where you’d be willing to take your own life, there is no going back. I don’t even mean that in a negative way. The pain you are experiencing is drilling farther into the depths of your soul. It’s excruciating. And it inevitably creates this new space that is nothing but a void.
It’s intentional. The void is a deeper you: deeper pain, yet deeper joy.
There is no return to “normal” once you’ve been here.
Maybe you’ve experienced this pain at the hand of another, at your own hand, or for seemingly no reason at all. Things are leaving you empty. Empty boring conversations with empty, predictable people in empty, cellular relationships.
Friend, you are in an honest place. I’d even argue that it is the most honest place. As my view of pain is being altered, I see the end of my self as the best place I can be. There is so much hope & potential. And that is true even if I don’t feel it in this moment.
The trenches pain is making within you are creating a place for meaningful beauty, deeper peace, and a new you.
If anyone has told you you cannot take your life, we both know that’s wrong. You have a free will choice. Every moment. Good or bad.
So yes, suicide might be an answer–to silence the voices in your head, to no longer feel the dull, aching pain inside & outside you, to finally put at ease those who love/hate you & are constantly worried about/hurting you–but suicide is NOT the answer.
You are more than this moment.
You are more than a mental illness.
You are more than your pain.
You are a soul that is loved.
The next moment is up to you.
In loving memory of J.G.